Hi Mom,
Just letting you know what’s going on with me. A lot has happened since you left, Mike graduated high school and Nick is the same size as him now! Abbey is in eighth grade and doing very well. She has all honors classes and wants to be a pediatrician. I think she would be great at that. Nick is doing very well in school too. He has nearly straight As. I always knew he could, he just didn’t try or care before, I guess. Mike has decided not to go to college which I am not really thrilled about, but at least he has a job, however temporary. He is trying to get into a couple of apprenticeships, but he won’t know anything until the end of January at least. John is still working steady and I started a job at the middle school last year, but quit at Christmas break because I am so used to being home all the time that I just couldn’t find a good balance between the two. John doesn’t want me to work anyway so it worked out all around.
I started a blog this year about the time school started. It has been a lot of fun. I can’t believe how much I have learned in just a few short months…and how much I still don’t know! Aunt Jane and Uncle Bud read it a few times and said how much I am like you. Thank you for passing some on. I blog about gardening and sewing and even cooking sometimes. The gardening gene runs in the family I think. You were always good with houseplants and outside plants and flowers and Grandpa was the veggie guy. I think you left me your green thumb, because even my houseplants are thriving and you know how awful I was with those! The vegetable garden was excellent this year except for the peppers. I think I know why and I’ll just try again next year. I wish you could read my blog because then you would know all the fun things I do, well, some of them anyway. You would also see how much I am growing. I think you would be proud, at least I hope you would.
David and Danielle are both married now, within two months of each other! I started to make David a quilt for his wedding and Uncle Bud said he’d be surprised if I finished it. After all, it took you for years to finish his high school graduation afghan. He got it for college graduation! That’s a great story mom, but I don’t want to do that. I want to finish what I start. On time. I didn’t finish the quilt yet and he was married in September. My machine keeps messing up, but I won’t make any excuses for myself. I only have one little corner to go and I can’t seem to get it done. I want to make one for Danielle too. hah!
You already know this I’m sure, but Amy died in a car accident. Aunt Jane is having a really hard time and this is going to be her first Christmas without her. Uncle Dan is living in Chicago for work and Aunt Jane is trying to sell the house, but it’s taking a long time. They need to be together and they aren’t. I wish there were something I could do. After the funeral, I told her that we had to stick together because she is a mother without a daughter and I am a daughter without a mother. yeah, then we both cried more. I really miss you, Mom.
I still want to call you and tell all the good stuff that happens and share my excitement with you, and I need to tell you the frustrating stuff too even though you just usually laugh at me then. I know payback and all that. What I wouldn’t give to hear you laugh again, even if it was at me. I was mad at you for a long time for not trying hard enough to fight it, but I know how tired you were. Living with Dad was never easy even though you loved him. God only knows why, but you did. I know, I know, but he did a lot of very selfish things even though he was there for you. I don’t really know that he took care of you, because even when I saw you last you still did most things yourself. I won’t go into because I know it hurts you, but he hurt us too. I don’t even talk to him anymore. I may have forgiven him for most things because he has problems that he will never try to fix, but I will never forget all the ways he hurt us. I’m sorry, I guess I just had to get that out.
Anyway, I started writing a memoir about how I got to be the person that I am. It is mostly for me, to help me figure some things out, but also so there is some written history of the family. At some point down the road, I would also like to do a more extensive family history/genealogy project. I have little bits and pieces started, but I am not ready yet to really get into it. I think it will be a lot of fun though. I started writing the memoir for NaNoWriMo, which is something I learned about from blogging. It stands for National Novel Writing Month and the idea is to write 50,000 words towards a novel during the month of November. I didn’t finish that either. I only got about 10,000 words done. Do you see the pattern here, Mom? Why can’t I finish anything anymore? It’s so frustrating!
Blogging has really helped me to see that I am not alone and to overcome some of my anxieties, but I still feel like I am letting everyone down, not just myself, when I don’t do my best. It is something to work on and all my blogging friends and real life friends are very supportive. I will be posting this on my blog for the whole world to see. Hope you don’t mind.
Well, I guess I am finished with this letter. I have a lot more to say, but it can wait for another time. I love you and I miss you. Give Amy and Uncle Deno and the Grandpas a hug for me. I love you.
Julie
This letter was written in response the Daily Prompt at WordPress.com
29 thoughts on “A Letter to Mom”
Jiawei
That was such a sweet and touching letter to your mom. She sounded like a beautiful person.
Gardengirl
Thank you. To me she was the most beautiful person in the world.
ukgardenfiend
Thanks for liking the tea-cosy! I so struggled with the star – If i had more time I’d reknit but Xmas is near and the tree isn’t dressed and the presents aren’t wrapped and and and….
Gardengirl
Yeah, tell me about it. I actually finished my shopping last night, but nothing is wrapped. I have to try to work around the kids schedules and it seems someone is always home or we are all gone. Alas, it will all get done, and if it doesn’t, oh well.
ukgardenfiend
Off for the beauty treatments today, so nothing will get done until tonight – hair, facial and pedicure – so the works! I treat myself every now and then – facials do help when you are getting older – start now! They will help ward off wrinkles… and the pedi is because I can’t cut my own toenails [hands too weak] and once they start that I like them pretty polished too….
Gardengirl
I’m jealous! Never had a facial. I’ll have to try it. Maybe it will be my New Year’s treat for myself!
ukgardenfiend
Don’t forget to ask for vouchers for Xmas and birthdays!
Gardengirl
It’s too late for me. They are only one day apart!
ukgardenfiend
I lost my mother when I was just a very small toddler and always wondered why she didn’t fight her illness more – she was tired of life and pain I guess. In some ways it is easier to understand this than when a parent leaves you when she is still alive as you wonder how much you were to blame I am sure.
Finishing tasks is an interesting aspect of life though and perhaps you could look at the Enneagram and see what personality type you think you belong to as some are not naturally inclined – they get bored too quickly. Me though, I’m a type 1 personality who always finishes other people’s work… very driven and our daughter is so like me in many ways – we commiserate over our inability to take rests when we both know we would be better for them as we both have health problems… yet these health problems drive us on – which brings me back to my mother who gave up – and I just don’t understand it as it is the opposite to my personality.
Thanks for liking my posts again – my knitting is getting the better of me again and I have four projects on the go at the moment – must finish the Xmas tea cosy first though!
Gardengirl
Thank you for your thoughts and I think I will try that Enneagram. Good for you and your daughter for pushing past the problems and to me knitting would be a restful activity. My restful activities are anything that isn’t housework or cooking. I would love to see a picture of your tea cosy when it’s finished! 🙂
ukgardenfiend
Tea cosy nearly finished… just need to sew the star on top. I tried it on some tea-pots last night to ensure it would fit more than one size – and it does.. photo will follow in a day or so.
Gardengirl
Yay!
Arlene Bice
Letter writing is such a healing venue…….and a wonderful way to record history for future readers. thanks for reading my poetry.
Gardengirl
It really is healing. Whenever, I can’t say what I feel or think, I write it down in a letter and it comes out much more clearly and then I feel better. I love poetry and yours touched something in me or I would not have “liked” it. I’ll be back for more.
Judy
I read once when you lose your parents you lose your past and when you lose your children you lose your future. Equally devastating. Lovely letter, and I know your Mom loved it.
Gardengirl
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I have never heard it put that way, but it would explain why I can’t seem to catch up with myself and move forward. It’s been a year and a half and I still can’t quite put my feelings into words. I just feel like something is off. Thank you again.
fiammisday
This is so sweet, happy to have found you!!! A big kiss
Gardengirl
Thank you so much! I visited your blog and think you must be a very good mom. Keep it up and have fun with your little girl!
k*handtke
Hey there, Gardengirl. Your writing, your thoughts, your devotion are beautiful! God has given you a loving servant’s heart toward your family, and they are blessed. I agree with campfirememories; you have persevered with writing and are flourishing. You have quite a talent, lady! Your mom would be very proud. Bet your family is, too :>)
Gardengirl
Wow, K. Thank you, but I don’t feel I deserve such praise. I like to think my mom would be proud of who I am and I know I’m proud of my family. Is my nose really that big?
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Tatsat
Really sweet ! I could write a letter to my mum someday too. Thanks for the idea 🙂
Gardengirl
You’re welcome.
keepingitreal
That was so tender, Julie. Your mother seemed like such a beautiful woman. Sounds like you have definitely inherited some of her best traits!
Gardengirl
My mother was an amazing woman. I certainly hope I have inherited some of her best traits. Thank you. 🙂
campfirememories
Thanks for catching your mom up on things! (Now I’m caught up to.) No doubt in my mind; she is getting it. There is no bond more powerful than the love of mother and daughter. I know we only just met, via blogs, but I forbid you to count your NaNoWriMo work as a failure. It’s a crazy, anti-creative goal to lay down 50,000 words just to have them. You have completely lived up to the spirit of the challenge, and are a huge success, because you gained focus on your project and now have a phenomenal start. Brava, dear Julie!
Gardengirl
Thank you so much for all of your positive comments and encouragement. They mean more to me than I can say here in just a few words. I guess I don’t really consider it a failure because just writing what I did gave me a direction and cleared up some format questions for me. I guess I should look at is as having a good start on my own goal as opposed to not reaching someone else’s. Thank you again. You are an inspiration.
jmgoyder
So beautiful!
Gardengirl
Thank you.