Just letting you know what’s going on with me. A lot has happened since you left, Mike graduated high school and Nick is the same size as him now! Abbey is in eighth grade and doing very well. She has all honors classes and wants to be a pediatrician. I think she would be great at that. Nick is doing very well in school too. He has nearly straight As. I always knew he could, he just didn’t try or care before, I guess. Mike has decided not to go to college which I am not really thrilled about, but at least he has a job, however temporary. He is trying to get into a couple of apprenticeships, but he won’t know anything until the end of January at least. John is still working steady and I started a job at the middle school last year, but quit at Christmas break because I am so used to being home all the time that I just couldn’t find a good balance between the two. John doesn’t want me to work anyway so it worked out all around.
I started a blog this year about the time school started. It has been a lot of fun. I can’t believe how much I have learned in just a few short months…and how much I still don’t know! Aunt Jane and Uncle Bud read it a few times and said how much I am like you. Thank you for passing some on. I blog about gardening and sewing and even cooking sometimes. The gardening gene runs in the family I think. You were always good with houseplants and outside plants and flowers and Grandpa was the veggie guy. I think you left me your green thumb, because even my houseplants are thriving and you know how awful I was with those! The vegetable garden was excellent this year except for the peppers. I think I know why and I’ll just try again next year. I wish you could read my blog because then you would know all the fun things I do, well, some of them anyway. You would also see how much I am growing. I think you would be proud, at least I hope you would.
David and Danielle are both married now, within two months of each other! I started to make David a quilt for his wedding and Uncle Bud said he’d be surprised if I finished it. After all, it took you for years to finish his high school graduation afghan. He got it for college graduation! That’s a great story mom, but I don’t want to do that. I want to finish what I start. On time. I didn’t finish the quilt yet and he was married in September. My machine keeps messing up, but I won’t make any excuses for myself. I only have one little corner to go and I can’t seem to get it done. I want to make one for Danielle too. hah!
You already know this I’m sure, but Amy died in a car accident. Aunt Jane is having a really hard time and this is going to be her first Christmas without her. Uncle Dan is living in Chicago for work and Aunt Jane is trying to sell the house, but it’s taking a long time. They need to be together and they aren’t. I wish there were something I could do. After the funeral, I told her that we had to stick together because she is a mother without a daughter and I am a daughter without a mother. yeah, then we both cried more. I really miss you, Mom.
I still want to call you and tell all the good stuff that happens and share my excitement with you, and I need to tell you the frustrating stuff too even though you just usually laugh at me then. I know payback and all that. What I wouldn’t give to hear you laugh again, even if it was at me. I was mad at you for a long time for not trying hard enough to fight it, but I know how tired you were. Living with Dad was never easy even though you loved him. God only knows why, but you did. I know, I know, but he did a lot of very selfish things even though he was there for you. I don’t really know that he took care of you, because even when I saw you last you still did most things yourself. I won’t go into because I know it hurts you, but he hurt us too. I don’t even talk to him anymore. I may have forgiven him for most things because he has problems that he will never try to fix, but I will never forget all the ways he hurt us. I’m sorry, I guess I just had to get that out.
Anyway, I started writing a memoir about how I got to be the person that I am. It is mostly for me, to help me figure some things out, but also so there is some written history of the family. At some point down the road, I would also like to do a more extensive family history/genealogy project. I have little bits and pieces started, but I am not ready yet to really get into it. I think it will be a lot of fun though. I started writing the memoir for NaNoWriMo, which is something I learned about from blogging. It stands for National Novel Writing Month and the idea is to write 50,000 words towards a novel during the month of November. I didn’t finish that either. I only got about 10,000 words done. Do you see the pattern here, Mom? Why can’t I finish anything anymore? It’s so frustrating!
Blogging has really helped me to see that I am not alone and to overcome some of my anxieties, but I still feel like I am letting everyone down, not just myself, when I don’t do my best. It is something to work on and all my blogging friends and real life friends are very supportive. I will be posting this on my blog for the whole world to see. Hope you don’t mind.
Well, I guess I am finished with this letter. I have a lot more to say, but it can wait for another time. I love you and I miss you. Give Amy and Uncle Deno and the Grandpas a hug for me. I love you.
This letter was written in response the Daily Prompt at WordPress.com